A New School Year Without Her

Rory would be going into 5th Grade this year.

Dax was in 5th Grade when Rory died.

I’ve spent the last week thinking of what she would be doing and what she would be learning.

Factions

Decimals

Writing 5 paragraph essays

Spelling

We’d still be working on her handwriting, I’m sure.

Ugh. I got sad thinking about it.

Then I had a new thought.

Rory, this is what I wish for you this year:

I hope you’re continuing to learn.

I hope you make new friends.

I hope you skip through fields.

I hope you give lots of hugs.

I hope you visit us in important moments and in the everyday.

I hope you feel our love constantly.

Here’s my hope for us:

That we see you and feel you surrounding us.

Love you, baby girl.

Reasons

A couple of things happened in the summer of 2017.

The house market was up in our area. So my parents decided they were going to sell their house. (We were backyard neighbors.)

Lance got a new job that allowed him to work from home most of the time.

With those two items I told Lance, let’s sell our house and move closer to where our son’s gym. (His gym was an hour drive each way.)

In July we put the for sale sign out.

Then I got this feeling that I needed to put the kids in school across town. The thought was overwhelming.

If our house didn’t sell that would mean a 45 minute drive to and from school. Every day. And that didn’t count our gymnastics driving.

I decided if all the kids got into a charter school, we’d take the leap.

They all got in.

Then I thought this will be good. I’ll get Rory settled into school. Change is hard with AD/HD and anxiety. It’ll be good not to change schools mid year.

She has an IEP. It’ll be good to get that started at the beginning of the year and start working with her teacher.

Other than the 4 to 7 hours a day I was spending in the van, it was a great school.

But I felt like the move was for Rory.

November 10th we sold our house. My parents sold their house. We put a house across town under contract. We were moving at the beginning of December!

November 13th Rory passed away.

Our family with the bench that American Prep Academy dedicated to Rory.

Rory’s 3rd Grade Class. Teacher: Mrs. Bohls.

Then on November 20th when the boys went back to school, I discovered the real reason for the school switch that summer.

The boys wouldn’t be switching schools weeks after their sister died.

The school administrators rallied around them. One was a counselor before being a principal so he talked with me frequently.

Their teachers cared!

Not only about them but our whole family.

There wasn’t one more change in a life that already felt impossible for the boys.

I’m so grateful for that inspiration. And that we listened.

The Decision to do Online Homeschool

There were a number of factors that lead to our family doing online homeschool. It’s definitely not something that I’d thought much about before.

But, right now, it felt right.

The twins are freshman this year. Freshman!

I have four more years. That’s it! Then it’s college, mission, marriage, their own families.

I have four more years until they’re out of the house, doing their own things.

And I want that for them.

But I also want my four years.

I want to vacation when we want to.

I want to eat lunch together everyday.

I want to have scripture study with them in the mornings.

I want to cook with them.

I like them.

I love them.

I want my time with them.

Here are our back to school photos for 2018-2019:

No Big Decisions

They say not to make big decisions the first year after a tragedy. It could lead to emotional and sometimes non rational, bad choices.

In my everyday life, I run things by Lance all the time. Am I overreacting? I have a hard time trusting my feelings. And other times Lance asks to read emails before I send them. 😂

In terms of our life, I’d say that more things are different than are the same. We’ve had to keep adapting. We still have hurdles that are in our path and we have to decide how to handle them.

The problem with the no big decisions after a tragedy idea is that the event fundamentally changes you.

Rory’s passing changed my emotions.

It changed my family dynamic.

My thoughts.

My plans for the future.

And my plans for right now.

We just keeping crawling over the hurdles, these big decisions, we find in our path. Then fall down on the other side.

But we’re making it over them. I hope.

Big decision for the Moore Family this week: the boys are switching schools.