Reasons to Grieve

People talk a lot about how there are different ways to grieve. Which is totally true!

But what I think is not talked about enough, is that there are so many reasons we grieve. And that we have a right and should grieve.

I posted a while ago about how Rory was a frozen embryo from when we had IVF with the twins.

Rory was a twin.

The first ultrasound her twin was there with a heartbeat. The second ultrasound the heartbeat was gone.

I remember thinking I didn’t have a right to be sad.

I still had a baby. That was growing.

I was already so busy. With Rory that made four kids, ages four and under.

I was already so blessed. I didn’t have a right to grieve this would have been baby.

But I did. It was just in quiet.

Until I received a call from my sisters-in-law, Rachel. She’d already had miscarriages. I, for sure, had no right to cry to her. Instead, she cried with me. She expressed her sorrow for me. She validated my grief and mourned with me.

I grieved the relationship that Rory would never experience. I grieved holding two babies in my arms.

So much of grief seems to stem from a missed future or loss of the future you previously imagined.

We grieve for divorce.

We grieve for kids that can’t quite get their acts together.

We grieve for illnesses.

We grieve changes in school and recreation.

We grieve changes in beliefs. For ourselves and others.

We grieve the loss of trust.

There are so many reasons.

And they all are worthy to allow yourselves and others time to mourn.

Our Triplets

When Lance would try to confuse people, he’d tell them that Chiler, Xander, and Rory were triplets.

People would look at them with furrowed brows.

Technically, they are triplets.

They were conceived at the same time.

We struggled for many years to have kids. We had IVF with to have the twins. Embryos kept splitting. On the day the twins were implanted, the doctors picked the best two. Then they let the rest of the embryos continue splitting until zygote stage.

Two zygotes were good and healthy and we froze them.

One was our Rory.

We worked hard to get those boys and that girl here.

I’ll be forever grateful for medical miracles. I’m so grateful for my boys. For my girl.

In case you’re wondering, we call Dax our love child. Only one naturally conceived. A different kind of miracle.