In the weeks after Rory’s death, I recorded memories.
I wanted it in my voice.
How I remembered my baby girl.
I looked at some of the videos for the first time the other day.
It spoke to me in two ways.
One, I miss Rory! I want a million more memories. At least one for every day I’ve been without her these three years.
Two, I’m not that same Stephanie. I feel like a lifetime has passed in some ways. In those videos I was engulfed in the flames of grief. As flames have turned to embers, I’m emerging reshaped. In almost every aspect of my life.
Who and how I love.
My relationship with God.
The truly important things in my life.
The importance Grace in my life.
Amanda Gorman’s inaugural words rang true to me:
“That even as we grieved, we grew
That even as we hurt, we hoped
That even as we tired, we tried”
Grieved, hurt, tired.
Grew, hoped, tried.
That encapsulates my last three years.