I’ve heard this concept explained in a few different ways but my favorite is the visual of the pendulum.
On one side there’s extreme joy.
On the other extreme grief.
Then in between are various levels of grief and joy.
When one experiences great joy with a person, when that person is gone, great grief is felt.
I experienced extreme joy with Rory. Which then leaves me with extreme grief.
Would I be willing to give up the joy I had with her to now lessen the pain I’m in?
Would I give up the daily kisses and hugs that made me feel special?
Would I give up the hilarity of watching her try out new dance moves?
Would I give up the comfort of her morning cuddles?
Would I give up the extreme pride I felt when I watched her conquer her anxiety?
Would I give up the funny faces she would make with me at church?
Would I give up making her my buddy for those years? Taking her everywhere?
Each of those make the pendulum tip a little higher.
She brought extreme joy to our lives. Her absence has left extreme grief.
But I’ll take the grief.
I’ll live with it for the rest of my life. Because it meant that she was part of it.
Part of me.